That Feeling Again
by khughes830
Summary: Kendall, Zach. Kendall reflects on her time with Zach and how she feels now.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Believe you me, these characters are not mine because I hardly recognize these characters anymore. It's really kind of sad!  
**A/N: **OK, so I am bolstered by today's (3/28/06) Z/K interaction and what seems to be the start of our lovely Zach emerging from his EthanFunk! Yes, Kendall is preggo. Yes, Ryan is still in the stratosphere, but I'm not really including him unless I have to. Thanks to TV MegaSite for the transcripts. This story is going to involve a lot of flashback type of things. I have been less than inspired recently, but found inspiration after I made a little fan vid for our girl Kendall! Enjoy!

* * *

The slamming of the door caught her attention. She glanced up from her magazine to see him flipping through his mail. She could do nothing but stare. As hard as she tried, she found herself still drawn to him after all this time. As much as she wanted to pretend that she wanted Ryan as her buffer, nothing was further from the truth. That was the one and only reason she sent him home weeks ago, telling him that he needed to not be around 24/7.

It was in these moments, in this time when she watched him without him knowing, that she found the memories flooding back to her…

_She knew it was lame, but she was so angry and pissed about the risk he was taking for yet another Santos that she couldn't help herself. But, now that he was here, seeing through her lie, through her very lame story, she found herself more concerned for him than anything else, and it was starting to irritate the fire out of her._

"_Now, I'm not going to leave you if you're frightened, but there's something very important I have to take care of."_

"_Does her name start with Julia?" She cursed herself inside of head for spitting that out._

"_Let's get you to the casino. You'll be safe there, and I will deal with this later."_

"_I'd like you to steer clear of Wildwind and Miss Walking Target Julia Santos. Because of her, I almost lost my life today. What? Zach, this is not funny. I have a bad feeling about this." _

"_No, I know, but, you know, you're beginning to sound like –" _

"_No. Don't say it." Jackass. _

"_Like a wife. _

"_I told you not to say it." _

"_It's true, it's –" _

"_You know what, I don't have to be a real wife to be concerned about you getting yourself killed." _

"_You're right. But the sooner I go deal with Julia, the sooner I'll be done with it, so let's get you to the casino, and I'll meet up with you later. Come on."_

"_Well, can you at least walk me to my car?" What the hell was she doing, being so needy, not wanting him to walk away from her… _

"_Can I ask you something?" _

"_Sure." _

"_How did this guy get in here in the first place?" _

_Son of a…"He pretended to be the meter reader." _

"_Meter reader? For the outside meter?" _

_Shit, shit, shit! "What the hell do I know about meters?" _

"_You know what I think? I think you made up this whole story just to keep me here." _

"_Are you crazy?" _

"_You'll tell me about it later, right?" _

"_Wow. Guess the honeymoon's over, huh?"_

She smiled, remembering just how desperate she had been to get him away from Julia and the whole Dragon mess. Looking back, she knew that it was then, when he was embroiled in the Dragon mess that she started to realize that the marriage had morphed into something else, at least of her. If only she could go back – she'd do some many things differently, but hindsight is always 20/20.

She watched him pull off his tie and run his fingers through his hair, staring off into space. It was in moments like this that she wanted to run across the courtyard and throw her arms around him, to beg him to forget the last few months, to come back to her, to be with her, to make them who they were before the Mardi Gras Ball. On nights like this, when she finally found her courage, she always hesitated one moment too long, like tonight, and she could only watch helplessly as he turned off the lights and headed for bed, leaving her watching nothing but a darkened window.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She tossed around, staring at her ceiling, unable to sleep. 'I'm a Kane' she told herself – 'I can deal with anything, including Zach only being 30 feet away'. She laughed out loud, knowing this was the farthest thing from the truth. She was finding it harder and harder to stay mad, be angry, stay away from him, but then, she had always found it hard to stay away from him…

"_So you were there when the shot was fired?" _

"_Were you trying to kill me, too, or only Julia?" _

"_No, neither of you. She ok?" _

"_She's fine, no thanks to you." Why you son of a…_

"_Well, who shot at Wildwind, the police? No, of course, big Mr. Dragon and his goon squad. Well, maybe if I'd gone to the cops ten minutes earlier, Julia would be safe in witness protection by now." _

"_She's not going back into the program." _

_Bitch! "My only mistake was waiting as long as I did." _

"_Your mistake was sticking your nose into something that doesn't concern you!" _

"_No, I almost saw you get killed, Zach! And have you forgotten about Julia's dead friend rolled up in that rug?" _

"_It's my business, not part of our marriage." _

"_Oh, really? That's very convenient. So our marriage doesn't involve your private issues, but me, you can get a subscription and read all about mine." _

"_You can think what you want, but stay out of it." _

"_So what is my role in all of this? Just wear pretty dresses and watch you get yourself killed?" This man is completely unbelievable…_

"_What are you complaining about? If I get killed, you get the casinos, a whole lot of money, and Ethan might be in better shape, too. He might be happy and fun to hang out with again -- and I think you look great in black." _

"_Don't be a jerk." _

"_It's part of my charm." _

"_Shut up! I did this to help you." _

"_I didn't ask for your help." _

"_Well -- well, you're ok now, and that's all that matters."_

"_What is that, concern? Don't worry about it. If I bite it, you're covered." _

"_No, I want you alive." Can't you see that, you moron!_

"_Why?" _

"_Because I care about you!" _

It still made her mad that he couldn't see that back then, that it had taken him so many months to see that she really did care about him, that she needed him around, needed him to be a part of her life. He tried to let her walk away so many times, but she had refused… and now, now that he seemed to have lost all his fight, the last thing she could ever think about doing was walking away and leaving.

She flipped over on her side and sighed, wiggling her toes. She'd be so glad when she finally had this kid – she was tried of her feet hurting all the time…

"_You'd really protect me from Ryan?" _

"_You really have to ask that?" _

"_Whoa. Hello? You're touching -- you're touching my foot." _

"_Shh. There are pressure points in the foot that connect to every part of the body." _

"_Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know about reflexology." _

"_Why don't you just lie back and relax, ok? How's that?" _

"_Hmm. Mmm." _

"_Does that hurt?" _

"_Uh-uh.". _

"_That's it. Just let it go. I'll take care of you."_

That memory brought tears to her eyes and she couldn't have stopped them from falling even if she had tried, which she didn't. The only time she had felt safe in her entire life was when he was taking care of her, lying beside her, holding her in his arms. It hurt to know that he was just a few feet away and she was frozen, that she couldn't do anything about it.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **Now... for my favorite Zendall scene (aside from yesterday's, which was REALLY smokin' hot, but I'm not including that!)

* * *

"Ah… you have GOT to be kidding me" she screamed as she threw the fifth pair of pants across the room. It seemed she was having to buy new clothes every other day. She was completely over her ever expanding waistline. She walked over to her closet and sighed, resting her hands on her hips, cursing her pants under her breath…

"_You're upset with your pants." _

"_If they were just mine, I would be wearing them right now, but I could not get the zipper up, because this baby is onboard, and he's only getting bigger."_

"_I'm not a doctor, but I think that's supposed to happen." _

"_Oh, God, you think this is -- you're being funny now? You think this is humorous?" _

"_It's not unexpected." _

"_What, this expando me?" _

"_They make pants in all sizes." _

"_Oh, stop. No, Zach, this is not my idea of romantic. I did not picture us having a romance with you looking all handsome and cut, making love to a sumo wrestler in a muumuu. Well?" _

"_Thank you." _

"_No, I am the sumo wrestler. Me." _

"_Yeah, but you're a beautiful, gorgeous semi-sumo wrestler who's pregnant. So you're going to gain some weight. It's good for the boy." _

"_Ok, it's good for the boy, but what about us, Zach? We're just starting out. I mean, don't you think three is a crowd here? I've invited an extra person to –" _

"_Can I stop you about here?" _

"_What?" _

"_Now, you told me that you love me. Is that still cool?" _

"_Yes, that is still cool." _

"_Ok, then, nothing else matters to me."_

"_Yes, but love does not always work. There are no guarantees." _

"_That's fine. I didn't ask for guarantees." _

"_You live by the odds. What would Nick the Greek say? He would say you're going to make it in 100-1 or a million to one. What would he say?" _

"_Shut up." _

"_What? No, you just can't face it that a baby makes three, and you can't handle that. You can't handle –"_

"_Shut up! I love you. And he's part of that. I didn't say I love you despite the baby or that I would only love you if you didn't have the baby. I love you as is. I don't want my money back." _

"_If you think this is going to be easy and simple, you are wrong." _

"_No, never thought that life with you would be easy or simple." _

"_You like a challenge." _

"_I do. But that's not what this is, because I like you and all the stuff that comes with it -- how you can go from happiness to anxious in just a flash. And life with you is not going to be boring, I know that."_

She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, wondering if it still mattered to him; if it was still "cool", wondering if he could have a refund on the time they had spent together, have all those months back. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and walked over to the hamper, grabbing the black dress she has been wearing yesterday. She pulled it over her head and looked at herself in the mirror. Seeing her sad eyes reflected back at her only hurt her heart that much more. She knew she was going to have to do something about it. She grabbed her purse and coat and headed out of the day.

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **See chapter 1

* * *

The elevator doors opened and she walked into the offices, doing her best to try to get back to some kind of normal life. It was still relatively early, so she was one of the few people here already. She put her purse down and hung her jacket up, grabbing the faxes out of the machine, reviewing the numbers from yesterday. She sat down and grimaced slightly when she saw how well Purple Haze was doing.

"_Ok, if you're the one who changed the product name, you'd better just get –" _

"_What, duck and cover?" _

"_What are you doing here?" _

"_I came to fulfill my final duty as your husband." _

"_You've already fulfilled your final duty as my husband -- a divorce." And it did happen, so I have to start…_

"_As per your request. But I made you a promise, and I'm sticking by it." _

"_Ok. Well, as of right now, all promises, deals, and agreements are null and void." _

"_Have you forgotten our plane ride?" _

"_Oh! It all runs together." _

"_Well, some things shouldn't run together." Breathe, Kendall, breathe!_

"_Well, what do you want to give me?" _

"_I told you on the plane. I'm going to find Babe and buy her shares of Fusion and give them to you." _

"_Ok, well, that's very nice, thank you, but I can take care of my own problems." _

"_I know that. But what good is a ruggedly handsome, sexy ex-husband like myself if he can't help you with your dirty work?" He does look very good today… no, knock it off! _

"_Well, dirty work is my favorite kind, so I will handle Babe, thank you. You can -- you can leave now. Thank you so much. What? What the hell are you smiling about?" He really needs to stop smiling, it's starting to… _"_You want to freak me out? Well, too bad. I'm unfreak-outable. So stop smiling already." _

"_Hmm. It takes time, patience, and a deep and complex understanding of the human psyche. And I think I'm finally starting to get you." What in the world is he talking about?_

"_You can't get me. I'm un-getable. I'm unfreak-outable and un-getable, so you can just go away, please." _

"_I made you a promise, and I'm going to help you, whether you like it or not.' _

"_I've decided to have Ryan's baby, full term. Labor, screaming, all of it. And he wants to be there for me, maybe even in the delivery room. Go ahead, go ahead, tell me again, I'm an idiot, Ryan's a jerk. Go ahead and dump your totally biased opinions on me." _

"_If you're happy, I'm happy." Wow… ok, not exactly the response I was expecting… _

"_You're not even remotely happy." _

"_I'm working on it. But you're happy, because you got everything you always wanted, right?" _

"_I'm just fine. And I'm really busy. I have a lot of work to do, like find out what idiot messed with an old tried-and-true product." _

"_Because Fusion is all that matters." _

"_Ask my mother. I've got nothing else." But I really do want something else… right?_

"_Maybe it's time to change that." _

"_What is it that you think I want or need that I don't already have?" _

The memory quickly faded away as she heard the elevator doors open. She looked up and glared at Babe Chandler walked in and dropped her purse on the desk opposite Kendall. Without saying a word, she smiled and grabbed the papers that Kendall had finished looking at. "Morning Kendall" she said sweetly as she sat down and started to read. Kendall wanted to dig her eyes out with a spoon.

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

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_'What the hell is she babbling on about?'_ Kendall sighed – she was really going to have to start bring ear plugs to the office so that she could block out the noise Babe made every time she opened her mouth?

"Or what would you think about redesigning the spritz bottles – some kind of fun, flirty theme?" Kendall passed by, pretending to be deaf.

"Or even better, what if we came up with a line for the pre-teen girls? That would be a great seller, right?" Kendall was wondering if she could shove her keyboard down Babe's throat so that she would shut the hell up. She looked at her watch, wondering when the hell Simone and Dani were going to get here. She needed backup or alibis – she hadn't decided which yet.

"Kendall, I know you hear me. I would appreciate you not ignoring me, if that's alright with you." Kendall whipped around on her heel and glared at Babe.

"Fine, you don't want to talk to me about Fusion, fine. Let's talk… oh, how's Zach doing? I haven't seen him around much, but the last time I saw you two, you looked pretty good together…"

Kendall just shook her head, begging Babe to quit talking.

"_You don't look so good." _

"_I think I look fine." _

"_Well, did you have a hard night? Were you out protecting Julia Santos from the bad guys?" _

"_I was held up at the bank." _

"_Why are you doing this? I wish you would just give this up. You're not bulletproof." _

"_This whole protective thing, it's good, I like it." _

"_I don't know why I bother. You don't even listen." _

"_I listen. But I don't do what you want. And why should I? You never give anything back." _

"_Well, I want to." _

"_Yeah? So what is it? What do you want to give to me?"_

"_I want to…"_

"_Would you like to whisper it to me?" _

"_I want to -- to give you the option to end our marriage." God… he smells good…_

"_Oh. This business arrangement works for me." _

"_But I'm having someone else's baby, and that might be embarrassing for you." _

"_Don't worry about my image." _

"_Well, you said -- you said that it's up to me whether our marriage ends or when our marriage ends, so I'm changing the terms. Given the whole surrogacy thing, I mean, you should have the right to end this whenever you want. So just say the word. You can fly to the islands right now." _

"_I don't want to divorce you, Kendall." _

"… and you two looked so happy at the ball, but he's not been by to take you to lunch or hasn't sent flowers, so I was just wondering…"

The elevator opened and Dani and Simone finally arrived. "Thank God" Kendall yelled at them, grabbing her purse off her desk. Simone and Dani looked at each other and back at her.

"Kendall, what's…"

"I just… I can't listen to that TWIT babble on and on anymore. She's all yours now! I need… just call me on my cell if you need me!" And Kendall took off…

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **OK, so I know a lot of people are wondering... no, she's not on her way to Zach. Eventually, she will get there, but I've got a LOT more up my sleeve before we get to that point. Enjoy the Zen Ride!

* * *

She got out of the car and slammed the car, taking a deep breath. It was a relatively nice day this early in the year, but being that it was late morning, the park was fairly empty. She had just gotten in her car and driven – dealing with Babe alone all morning had made her about crazy – well, it might have more to do with the memories at every turn, but she really, really, really wanted to blame all this on Babe.

She strolled through the park and sat down on the bench near the play area, staring at the empty swing set and slide, knowing that, before too long, kids would be ruling this area. She looked over and smiled as the hot dog vendor made his way into the park for the day.

"_You crack me up." _

"_What's so funny?" _

"_You." _

"_Me, what, eating a hotdog?" _

"_Yeah, actually. I have seen you eat quail…" _

"_Mm-hmm." _

"_Sushi, pheasant, but a red-hot with all the fixings? Never thought I'd see the day." _

"_When I first became Zach Slater, it's the only think I could afford. And my vegetables were sauerkraut and relish. Uh-huh." _

"_Hmm. Well, at least you had a cold beer to wash it down, I hope." _

"_I did. Relax. I'm not making the moves on you. Just had some mustard on your face right there."_

She sighed, remembering the feeling of his fingers on her face. That was the first time she could really remember just the slightest touch from him making her heart beat faster. The buzzing of her purse brought her out of the memory. She dug her phone out of her purse and sighed, seeing the number on the ID.

"Hello Mother… yeah, no everything is fine. Babe was just grating on my last nerve and I… I know, I know, but she's refusing, trust, I've tried… Lunch? Yeah, I could do lunch. You want to meet now?... Valley Inn in about 20 minutes… Yeah, I'll see you there."

TBC…


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

Erica was already seated as she walked in. Erica looked and smiled brightly and Kendall tried to return the sentiment, but knew she was failing miserably.

Erica gave her daughter a hug and squeezed her hand. "Kendall, darling, are you alright?"

Kendall just shrugged. "Oh, I'm just in a mood today – I'm fine."

Erica stared at her daughter. "C'mon Kendall. Tell me about it, let me make it better, see if I can bring some happiness to that face of yours."

"_You know what? Sometimes life takes you by surprise, and no one's more surprised than us." _

"_Surely you don't expect me to congratulate you on your surprise?" _

"_I expect you to be happy for your daughter, because she's happy."_

Kendall shook her head. "Mother, I'm fine. There's nothing you can do, really. I'm just in one of those moods." Kendall put on her best smile but she could tell by the look on Erica's face that she wasn't buying it. Thankfully, the waiter came over at this point and took their order. After the waiter left, Kendall looked back at her mother and immediately recognized that look on her face – that look of determination and resolve and she knew she needed to get away before Erica really started laying it on.

Kendall shot out of her chair and grabbed her purse. "I have to… the bathroom…" Erica just smiled. "Go on dear – I remember those days." Kendall took a deep breath and walked away, knowing she was avoiding her mother's probing questions.

* * *

Kendall washed her hands and patted her cheeks, looking at herself in the mirror.

"_Come to view the remains?" _

"_After what you took from your friends and family, I'm surprised you're still standing. And impressed." _

"_Don't be. If I collapse in a heap, I'll never get up." _

"_Oh, yes, you will. You're the champ." _

"_No, I'm not. I'm scum of the earth." _

"_You got to be exhausted. Let me take you home. Let's take the back door. You've taken enough flak for one day." _

"_If its any sign of how the baby shower's going to go, I'll pass." _

"_Not a torch or a pitchfork in sight." _

"_What's the catch?" _

"_Why would there be a catch?" _

"_When I told you that I was Ryan and Greenlee's surrogate, you freaked out. And now, you know that I used my own egg. So where is the yelling and screaming, and "What the hell were you thinking?"" _

"_Let's go home and talk about it." _

"_No, I want to talk about it now. Why are you all of a sudden Mr. Feel-good about my baby?" _

"_I'm not really supposed to be here, this being the girl's bathroom. Let's go home, make you feel comfortable –" _

"_No, I'm not going to go anywhere until you tell me why you're being so nice." _

"Jackass" she said to herself, laughing through her tears. Not that she would have been anymore accepting of what he had to say then than she was a few hours later. Kendall took a couple of deep breaths and steadied herself. She walked out of the bathroom and headed back to the dining room. She noticed the food was on the table and sent up a quick and silent prayer, thanking God for putting a distraction in front of her.

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **As requested...

* * *

She waved goodbye to her mother and closed her car door, staring at the steering wheel. The last thing she could stomach right now was going back to Fusion, having to listen to Babe babble on and on about things she had no idea about. Kendall threw the car into drive and headed out. She was lost in thought, driving through town. Before she knew it, she was heading to the city limits, but she just kept going. She did her best to put all thoughts out of her head, and she was fine until she felt the craving for Rocky Road ice cream sneak up on her, unexpectedly.

"_This marriage is not what I expected." _

"_Well, what, so you're going to blame it on me?" _

"_No. It's me, my fault. My feelings for you have changed. I like you. I like you more. When we first agreed to this, I thought you were a bit of a ditz." _

"_You thought I was a ditz?" What the hell…_

"_Yeah. And first impressions die hard." _

"_Ok -- well, you want to know what I thought of you? I thought that you were all Zach all the time. Whatever you want, whatever you need, screw everybody else."_

"_I hope I lived up to your expectations." _

"_I am so onto you. It took me a while, but I finally got it. That whole "master of the dark side" bit? You're a fraud. You actually have something called a heart. And it does more than pump blood. Only when you reach out to people, you end up rubbing them the wrong way. So, I mean, you might have gone crazy on Greenlee and me, but you did it because you were thinking about me." _

"_I won't let it happen again." _

"_See? Why -- would you stop? Why do you that? This is exactly what I'm talking about. The good Zach comes out, and then you shut him right back up in that cave. Why do you do that? I mean, what is the big deal about caring for somebody? You -- I swear to God, I could just kill you." _

"_Thank you for the compliment." _

"_Ahem. Um -- I'm sorry for throwing the champagne." _

"_This will do, if you still feel like a toast." _

"_Did you really mean what you said? I mean, are you really ok with me carrying Greenlee's baby?" _

"_I'm ok with it." _

_Zach raised his glass, smiling that wickedly handsome smile of his at her._

"_To you and your courage. Your devotion to Greenlee is something that goes beyond anything I've ever witnessed. I'm in awe." _

"_This is sweet for you to understand all this. Especially when you hated the idea." _

"_I want to help you any way I can." _

"_Really? So -- oh, if I had a craving for fried pickles in the middle of the night, and I want you to run out and buy them for me, will you?" _

"_I will." _

"_And if I'm heaving them up the next morning, will you hold back my hair?" _

"_I will." _

"_When I'm bigger than a house, will you tell me that I'm beautiful?" _

"_I will. Because that's never going to change. However, no matter how pretty your belly is now or how pretty it's going to be, I'm not going to talk to it. I'm not going to play Austrian music to it, and I'm not going to show it flash cards." _

"_That's a deal breaker. I want a divorce." _

"_No, you don't." _

She laughed, thinking about how she threw that around a lot back then, knowing in the back of her mind that that was the last thing she wanted.

That had to be her favorite memory by far, remembering how supportive he had been that day, how he had endeared himself more to her by promising to stand beside her, and how all of that had been shot to hell with the flick of Marty's fingers at the Mardi Gras ball. Yes, she was mad, but she missed him more and more every day. Not seeing him was hurting her more than seeing him.

"Screw it" she said, turning her car around, heading in the direction of the casino, not wanting to wait one more minute before finally talking to him about everything.

TBC…


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **I need to go ahead and apologize now... just cause she's at the casino doesn't necessarily mean she's going to run into Zach. Sorry - I've got a LOT more up my sleeve before that actually happens, but we will get there, I promise!

* * *

She took a deep breath and walked in the main doors. She stopped for a moment, looking around. She hadn't been here in some time, not since…

_He had looked so unbelievably good that day, she couldn't help herself, she just had to touch him._

"_Hmm." _

"_Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." She loved that she had been able to sneak up on him, catching him off guard like he had done to her over and over again since New Year's Eve._

"_Mm-hmm, yes, there is more where that came from." _

_Mm-hmm?" _

"_If you tell me your deepest, darkest secrets." _

"_Well, that would probably involve my love for Irish single malt. Whiskey." _

"Ms. Hart?" Kendall looked over to see Regina, one of the casino hosts, walking toward her. "I thought that was you. It's good to see you again. It's been awhile since you have been in."

Kendall just smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I know. Look, I was… I need… well, I need to see Zach. Is he around?"

Regina smiled back at her. "Let me check. Give me a minute." Regina pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed. Kendall walked across the lobby and stared into the bar, smiling at the scene – people enjoying drinks, wait staff running back and forth from the bar to the tables, keeping the place running like a well oiled machine.

"_Let's get things rolling. Let's go." _

"_Your gaming licenses." _

"_Thank you." _

"_I'm sorry, could you -- could you grunt a little louder, please? Zach, I did not just play your loving, devoted wife this morning. I had to flirt with those coots on the gaming commission. I had to smile all pretty and actually act like they were -- they were desirable." _

"_Ok, forgive me, my darling, sacrificing wife. I've been a brutish beast, and I need to be punished. Now, what can I do to make it up to you? I know. How about a big kiss?" _

"_You want to show your gratitude with a nice, hot kiss?" _

"_I didn't say "hot," but, sure. That's what husbands and wives do, right?" _

"_Hmm. Well, you know what I really want?" _

"_Hmm?" _

"_I would really love a sexy, new, slamming sports car that matches with these great shoes." _

"_Sports car?" _

"_Mm-hmm." _

"_That's what you need? Ok." _

"_Now, I'll tell you what I don't need. I don't need a phony apology from a phony husband. And I really did not want to parade around this morning in front of the gaming commission." _

"_You have my sincere gratitude. And when the casino opens tonight, half the take is yours." _

"_I don't care about the stupid money. Keep your damn money." _

"_What's going on?" _

"_Nothing. That's the problem. God, nothing in my life right now -- nothing -- nothing that matters." _

"_The husband is always the last to know." _

"_You know, the fact that this marriage has no emotional weight is the best thing that's going on in my life right now. You and I -- we don't mean anything to each other, thank God. I guess I can count on that." _

"_The good news is, it'll get easier." _

"_What? Being in a fake marriage?" _

"_Being alone." _

But it hadn't gotten any easier, being married but being alone. Looking back, she knew it was the reason she kept getting in his face, interfering with his business, staying with him - he kept her from being alone and that's what she had wanted more than anything then and more than anything now, to not be alone.

"Ms. Hart?" Regina tapped Kendall on the shoulder, breaking her out of her trance. Kendall turned to face her. "Is he here?"

"Well, I talked to one of the other hosts who said that she saw him head up to his office about 45 minutes ago. Do you want me to…" Regina said, pulling her cell phone out again.

Kendall was already heading for the elevators. "No thanks, Regina. I'll head up there myself. Kinda would like to surprise him, you know?" Regina just smiled and watched Kendall heading for the elevators.

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She took a deep breath and smoothed her hands down her skirt. "No need to be nervous, Kendall, it's just… Zach" she said to herself. She closed her eyes for a moment and put her hand on the doorknob. She took another deep breath and smiled, opening the door.

The smile quickly disappeared as she found herself face to face with an empty office. She sadly looked around the room, her eyes landing on the empty chair behind his desk.

_She loved that look – that pensive, 'out to rule the world' look he got periodically._

"_Liar, liar, pants on fire." _

"_What's wrong with my pants?" _

"_Nothing. You said that you'd be a little while and then, do you expect me to sit around all night waiting up for you?" _

"_I expected you to be sleeping." _

"_Well, I couldn't sleep. Now, what is more important than watching a hot pregnant woman sleep, huh? This funny-looking thing, huh? What is this?" 'Seriously, what the hell is that…'_

"_Well, actually, that's part of a project that turned out to be __ill-advised__. Ah. So, that's it? No more questions for me?" _

"_Uh, well, should I be asking any more? Is there something that you want to tell me?" _

"_Yeah, there is. I love you. And why aren't you home in bed?" _

"_I love you, too. And why aren't you home in bed with me?" _

'_Because I'm busy embezzling money from you." _

"_Never happen." _

"_No? Why not?" _

"_Because you love me. __And because money doesn't mean that much to you, and because I trust you completely.__ Enough reasons, or do you need more?" _

_She loved it when he just smiled at her for no apparent reason. It warmed her heart._

"_See, I was afraid my mother would go ballistic, but then she finally agreed that she would get onboard with us." _

"_Yeah, so she can throw me off?" _

_She laughed – 'idiot'. " She's going to meet us halfway." What the hell… "This is -- this is awful. This really needs to be redone. It's not good." _

"_I agree." _

"_Oh, I don't know why I am so concerned about what my mother thinks and getting her approval, but I just am." Well, not bad… I guess… "This one's better." _

"_You love her, and you want her support." _

"_Yeah, and as much as I love you, I just wish there was someone in this town that was on my side." _

"_Erica -- she doesn't give up, does she?" _

"_No." _

"_Really wear a person out." _

"_She never wore you out." _

"_As you've said, I don't care what people think." _

"_Maybe I should be more like you and not give a flip what people say." _

"_Oh, but you do care. That's what matters to me." _

"_By the end of Thanksgiving, I had only one thing to give thanks for after my family went nuts on me." _

"_Your family shouldn't have turned on you like that. And I intend to make sure they never turn on you again. I'm in your corner. I will do whatever you need. I'm here to support you, no questions asked. If someone wants to get to you, they have to go through me first. But you could make it a lot easier for me to protect the woman I love. Be my wife. Marry me, for real this time."_

_She just stared at him, smiling, taking in the words he had just said to her. _

"_I love you, and I want to be with you. And I can't guarantee that things are going to be perfect all the time, you know? But I -- I can guarantee that I can do whatever I can to make sure that your life is easier and -- and better and happier. And if I drop the ball, if -- then I will spend the rest of my life making sure that I -- I make it right for you, because you deserve that. You deserve more than that. Will you marry me, please?" _

"_Yes. Yes, yes! My God, yes! Of course. Yes!"_

_And her pulled her in for the most romantic kiss of her life and quickly turned Kendall to thoughts of…_

"Kendall?"

She whipped around to see Edie standing in the doorway. "Hi Edie."

"You need something? You looked a little lost in thought."

"No, I was… I guess I need… I came to talk to Zach."

"Oh, Kendall, wish you would have called first. He's taking some investors out to dinner and then he's going home. You want me to call him?" Edie dug her cell phone out of her pocket as Kendall held up her hand.

"No, don't bother him. It was… I guess I can try to catch him later or tomorrow or something." Kendall picked her purse up off the desk and headed back toward the elevators.

"You want me to tell him you were here if he calls?" Kendall looked back at Edie as the elevator arrived.

"Nah, that's alright. Thanks, Edie." The elevator doors closed and Edie just sighed and shook her head.

TBC…


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

"Son of a bitch!" She screamed at her steering wheel. He is always here. Since the Mardi Gras ball, he had barely been home. She figured he was taking refuge in the casino – how he could keep an eye on whoever was coming to see him. She laughed, tears falling down her cheeks, at the cosmic joke that was this afternoon. The one time he wasn't at the casino was the one time she needed to see him more than anything else. Kendall rubbed her stomach absently as she felt the baby kick. She looked down at her stomach…

"_My wife is talking about giving birth. I get more than a vote." _

"_You have no say over what I can do with my life, Zach. You got some nerve busting in here, making demands. How long have I been ragging on you to give up your whole Julia mission, and how many times have you told me it's not my problem, not to interfere, Julia is your problem. That's what you said. I'm just your business partner, not your wife. That's what you also said. Does any of this sound familiar to you?" _

"_Vaguely." _

"_Ok, well, it goes both ways. You have no more say over what I can do with my body than I have over what you can do with yours. So why don't you just go back to hunting down poor little Julia and just forget we ever had this conversation." _

"_Forget we had this conversation? I can't do that. Everyone's going to be talking about it. Kendall Hart is carrying her dead ex-boyfriend's baby. I'm sure your mom's going to want to do a show on it." _

_No, don't say a word to my mother." _

"_You're doing something this radical, and your family isn't in on it?"_

Boy, when her family did find out… well, that would have been when the shit it the fan. She shook her head and wiped her tears away. "I need some greasy, really bad for me food." She put the key in the ignition and peeled out of the parking lot.

TBC…


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She leaned against the bar as the bartender put in her take out order. BJ's seemed rather busy tonight and she'd be glad to get her food and get home. She was already trying to figure out her next move – since the casino was a bust – when she heard applause from the other side of the room. Kendall looked over her shoulder to see a young couple embracing as the people around them smiled and clapped.

One of the waitress slid up next to the bar, talking to the bartender.

"What's all the ruckus?"

"He just proposed and she said yes. I just love seeing a couple right at the beginning of their life together."

"_Ahem. Hi." _

"_Hey." _

"_You don't have to apologize for all the nasty things you said to me last night. All is forgiven." _

"_Well, that was easy." _

"_And I want to marry you, today." Why is he just staring at me like that? This was his damn idea and now he's looking at me like I'm the crazy one!_

"_So, why shouldn't we get married today? We can go to Vegas. I'm sure you know plenty of chapels. Maybe an ordained Elvis. All right, I was joking about the Elvis. We could do -- any minister is fine. Or a judge -- a justice of the peace. You proposed to me. This is me accepting your proposal. So, our little courtship is over. Let's do the deed now." _

_She noticed him looking over her shoulder and she turned around to see Maria and Ethan staring at them, looking shocked that she had just agreed to marry Zach._

"Here you go Ms. Hart." The bartender put the bag down in front of her. Kendall just stared at him, still lost in her thoughts, her memories. "Ms. Hart?" The bartender just stared at her, staring to get worried.

Kendall broke out of her trance when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked behind her to see Ryan dropping money on the bar and picking up her bag.

"Kendall, are you alright?" She glared at him and shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "What the hell are you doing here?" she spit out at him.

"I talked to Erica earlier. She said you seemed a little off at lunch, so I thought I would come find you. C'mon, let me drive you home."

"Whatever" she replied, staring at the newly engaged couple as she walked out to her car.

TBC…


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She slammed her bedroom door, more than irritated that he had just made himself comfortable on the couch without even checking with her first. She had tuned him out about a half second after getting in the car. All she wanted to do was wait for Zach, to talk to him and now… now she was stuck with Ryan on her couch, a place he would probably insist on being right through till morning.

Kendall flipped open her jewelry box, dropping her earrings in, fuming at who Ryan thought he could just walk in and take over, without any thought to her. She had tried to shut the front door in his face, but he was through the door before she got the chance. She had made up her mind to rip him up one side and down the other when it caught her eye. She froze, picking up the pin out of the jewelry box, running her fingers over it, remembering…

"_Thought this was a 5-star hotel. Some security. They just let strangers walk into people's rooms?" _

"_I'm not a stranger; I'm your husband -- for a few more hours anyway. Here you go."_

"_Thanks. What, they -- you just told them you were my husband, and they handed you a room key?" _

"_No, I had to be a little sneakier than that. Saw a couple of chambermaids, and I told them that I had a gift for my wife on the last day of our marriage. I thought it was romantic." _

"_So you lied. Well, that makes more sense, it being you and all." _

"_I didn't lie, not this time". What could he have possibly… oh my God…_

"_It's incredible." _

"_It's why I wanted you to have it." _

"_You're really giving me this for divorcing you?" _

"_I've heard it said that the devil used the dragonfly to weigh the bad in people's souls. If the bad outweighs the good, he's found himself another roommate." _

"_Well, if you really want to know where I'm going to end up, I could have saved you some major, major cash. Satan already has a pitchfork with my name on it." _

"_He's going to have to fight for you. Dragonflies, hmm?" _

"_Hmm." _

"_I don't know. I just like them, because people are scared of them. They're pretty harmless, just nature's gentle reminder that things aren't always as they seem." _

"_Very deep. That still doesn't change how weird it is. I mean, most husbands don't give their wives bling to commemorate their divorce." _

"_I'm not most husbands." _

_It took all her power to get up and walk away from him, to get dressed. She obsessed over her hair and makeup, making sure it looks just right before heading back out into the bedroom. The look on his face had been well worth all the time she had put into her look this morning._

"_Hey. You've never looked more beautiful than you do right now." _

"_Today of all days. Go figure." _

"_If I didn't know what I was losing before, you just now made it very obvious." That look of want and need on her face made her see, for the first time, really, that… _

"_You want to pin it on for me?" She felt her pulse race and her breath catch in her chest as he stepped closer to her, like he had done in her living room after Thanksgiving dinner. She wondered if he would…_

"_There." He stepped back and put his hands in his pocket and she knew… she knew she needed to do something. _

"_You think -- you think I look like a woman itching to get rid of her mean old husband?" _

"_If you do, you are. Come on, we're going to be late." _

"_Zach, you -- you have been the nicest, best husband I could ever ask for." _

"_Hey, you're just losing my name today. You're not losing me. I'm going to be right across the courtyard. And whatever you need, whenever you need it, it'll be there for you, and no judge or no document's going to take that away." _

"_Wait. I don't want it to end this way." _

"_How do you want it to end?"_

Kendall looked at herself and mirror and smiled. "Not like this" she whispered to herself, smiling brightly for the first time in days, it felt like. She looked down at the pin in her hand and ran her fingers over it one last time. She dropped it back in the jewelry box, next to the engagement ring he gave her at the Mardi Gras ball and grabbed her clothes off the bed. She was in the process of changing when she heard a knock on her door.

"Kendall, you alright in there?"

She glared at the door and the voice on the other side of it. "Go away, I'm changing." She heard him pad away from the door. "Jackass" she said to herself, giggling slightly. She sighed and threw open her bedroom door.

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She glared at him over the top of her magazine, wishing he would just disappear. He kept trying to talk to her while she ate. Finally, after she couldn't take the blabbering anymore, she picked up the magazine she had already read a couple of times and planted it in front of her face, hoping he would take the hint. Unfortunately, he seemed to be more thick-headed than usual tonight and the passive-aggressive route didn't seem to be working.

"Kendall?"

She flipped the page over and kept reading, hoping he would fall into a magically appearing hole.

"Kendall, I would really appreciate it if you would stop ignoring me." She glared at him over the top of her page again, not saying a word. "Can I get you anything? Are you still hungry? Erica said you barely ate lunch and you didn't bring a lot home for dinner. Can I get you something else to eat?"

"_You hungry? You want some dinner? What do you feel like?" _

"_Hmm." _

"_Chinese, Japanese? Vietnamese, Swedish food?" _

_She loved it when he got playful like this. Not many people got to see this side of him._

"_Fried litchi nuts?" _

"_What? Wait, what is this with you and the whole litchi nut thing?" _

"_It's -- it's a sad, involved story from when I was a little boy, but this -- it's your craving, so you go ahead." _

"_My craving, yeah. Well, unfortunately, my doctor won't let me have what I'm really craving."_

"_You'll get that soon enough, but what can I do for you right now?" _

"_Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask for one more huge favor." _

"_Name it." _

"_Don't be so quick to say yes. It involves Bianca – "_

"_That's fine." _

"_And my mother." _

"_Nah. It's -- that's not good. Nah, that's -- ok, I'm still game." _

"_Ok, ok, good, because it's not really that big of a deal. I've just changed my mind, and I'll let you know that I'm going to change my mind quite a bit these days." _

"_Mm-hmm." _

"_So I -- I don't want to hide us anymore. I don't think I can if -- if I tried. I -- I have not felt this good in forever, and I can't -- can't stop smiling, and even Bianca says that I have this goofy smile on my face all the time, and it's all because of you. So I really -- I couldn't even think of a good lie to cover for this."_

"_Right, right, right, because if we smile in front of your mother, she'd think that my plot to destroy the world is working."_

"_Well, this is not your "plot to destroy the world" smile. This is all heart." _

"_It's all because of you." _

She just smiled, remembering the smile on his face and the way he willing to brave anything for her.

"So, I take it that smiles means yes?" His voice broke her out of her reverie. She threw her magazine on the table and pushed herself off the couch. She walked over the window and stared up at the sky, listening to the thunder rumble in the distance, seeing the first raindrops fall down her window, down his window. His condo was still dark. 'He must still be at dinner' she thought to herself.

"Kendall, could you please…" She couldn't take it anymore. She screamed as loud as she could, effectively shutting him up. "Get out, Ryan. I mean it, go home and annoy Erin or Jonathan or go find Julia to bug."

Ryan got off the couch and came over and stood next to her. She never took her eyes off of Zach's condo window. "I thought you wanted a buffer."

"I changed my mind. Get out!"

"Kendall, you can't seriously be contemplating going back to…" She shoved him as hard as she could and made her way over to the door. She threw it open and took a few steps outside, ignoring the rain. "GET THE HELL OUT RYAN!"

TBC…


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **I bet you all thought I had forgotten about him, didn't you...

* * *

"Kendall, will you please get back in the damn house!"

She glared at him from the center of the courtyard, resolute. She was hell bent on getting rid of him, and since the normal techniques didn't seem to be working, she had to go to extremes. She was solely focused on getting Ryan out of her house that she didn't feel the rain or noticed that her clothes were soaked through.

"Kendall, get in here!"

"LEAVE!"

"I'm not leaving till you get back in here."

"Well, I'm not coming back inside till you leave, so it would seem that we are at an impasse!" He just stared at her from the front door. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot.

"God, Kendall!" The thunder rolled right above her head. "Is this a good time for you? Are you having fun?"

"_Are you having fun with this?" _

"_I'm thrilled. And you're going to live happily ever after with the man you love -- at least till next week. It's good." _

"_You're a jerk!" _

"_Ok. Ah. Ahem." _

"_Ahem." _

"_Well, that seals it -- irreconcilable differences. No-fault divorce. You'll be free in no time." _

"_You're tormenting me, you know that?" _

"_No, I'm wishing you well." _

"_Give -- fine. There's no marriage, ok? There's not even a fling." _

"_So the divorce is off?" _

"_I was packed up to go stay with Greenlee for a few nights. I didn't want her to be alone." _

"_She's lucky to have you." _

"_Yeah, whatever. See you around -- or not." _

"_Kendall -- I meant what I said. The deal was you stay in this marriage until you don't want to anymore. And if that time is now, we'll end it -- tonight." _

"_You want to end our marriage? Is that what you're saying?" _

"_I don't know. It's been working for me business-wise. Casino's doing well, and you've been a great asset." _

"_Well, I'm so glad I could help you. Call me if you need an extra keno girl." _

_The thunder made her jump and Zach took a step toward Kendall. _

"_You all right? So -- Kendall Hart, afraid of thunder?" _

"_No. No, of course not. I -- my mom and my sister -- they don't like storms. Ahem -- it reminds them of – "_

"_What's it remind you of?" _

"_Thunder and lightning brings me back to the night we almost lost Bianca, the night that she had Miranda, and then everything went to hell." _

"_Why don't you come inside until the storm's over?" _

"_No, I'm -- I'm fine. I don't -- I don't need to do that. I really just want to -- I want to forget the whole night. When I think I have -- I think I've erased it from my mind -- and then more thunder, and then I go right back to where I was. And now, with Ryan gone -- will every storm rain down pain on me forever? You know, I have enough going on. I have enough things in my life, so I think divorce would just be more of a hassle. Maybe we should just stay married. We should definitely stay married."_

Kendall ran her hands up and down her arms as the rain poured down and the thunder rolled again.

"Kendall, get in the damn house!"

"LEAVE!" She missed Ryan glancing over her shoulder quickly and then back at her.

"FINE!" Ryan grabbed his jacket off the couch and threw it over his head. He stalked out of the house and past her, not looking back. She sighed and stared at the direction he went, finally feeling at ease. It was only then that she noticed that the rain wasn't beating down on her anymore. She rolled her eyes up to see the umbrella over her head. She looked over her shoulder and smiled, seeing him standing behind her under the umbrella, a wisp of a smile on his face.

"You looked you like needed a hand."

TBC…


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She turned and smiled at him widely. She was sure that it was the goofiest smile she had ever put on her face, but at this moment, she didn't care.

She felt her face heat up as he looked her up and down.

"Been standing out here long?"

"I have no idea."

"You're soaked. You should go inside and change."

"In a minute." She couldn't take her eyes off of his face. It was like she was seeing him for the first time all over again.

"_The name's Slater, Zach Slater, and this is my hotel. And this room belongs to one of my showgirls, Desiree Dubois." _

"_That's the name that she gave you. Her real name is Erica Kane." _

"_The Erica Kane?" _

"_Yes, the Erica Kane. My mother took on an alias so that no one back home could track her down. She contacted him last night. She begged him to fly out here and help her."_

"_So you are Erica Kane's daughter?" _

"_Mm-hmm." _

"_The resemblance is striking. She talks about you all the time." _

"_Oh, I can imagine -- the older, ungrateful daughter, keeper of secrets, queen of betrayal." _

"_No. All she ever told me was how much she missed you." _

"Kendall?" She shook her head slightly, bringing her back to the present.

"What?"

"Nothing. You're just… you're kind of staring at me."

"Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all. Just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing."

"I think I finally do, Zach."

She felt her face flush as he smiled widely at her. "Lavery coming back?"

"Dear God, I hope not." That made him laugh and she felt her heart beat just a little bit faster.

"You want me to walk you to the door?"

"I want you to come inside and sit with me for a little while."

"I could do that." She turned back on her heel and felt her knees buckle slightly as he put his hand on the small of her back, protecting her as the walked the short distance into her living room. She quickly shut and locked the door. She turned and leaned back against it, watching him maneuver around her kitchen like he had just been there this morning, not months ago. He looked over his shoulder and winked at her.

"Go change. I'll be here when you get back."

She glanced at him one last time as she rounded the corner to her bedroom.

TBC…


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **ahh... Zach... _le sigh..._

* * *

She shuffled out into the living room and smiled at Zach, who had taken off his tie and jacket and was leaning back against the couch, mug in hand.

"Took you long enough."

Kendall looked down at herself and shrugged. "Yeah, well… well, I…" The last thing she wanted to admit was that she had been through 10 outfits in the last 10 minutes, finally deciding to put on a cute little maternity pajama set Bianca sent her a few days ago. "I… I really need to do laundry, I just realized."

"Well, pack it up. I'll have the casino do it all tomorrow and have it back by 5."

"Just like a dry cleaning service."

"Something like that." He reached over to the table and handed her the extra mug as she sat down. "Here, made us some tea." She smiled at him and took the mug, taking a sip, gathering her thoughts.

"So, what's up?"

She just stared at him, unsure where to even begin. Suddenly, a thought hit her. "Oh, Zach, I should have asked – I'm not keeping you from anything, am I?"

He just smiled and shook his head. "Nope. I'm all yours."

"_Ahem." _

"_Just when I thought you'd be chained to Julia for life –" _

"_I'm all yours again." _

"_I wouldn't go that far." _

"_But you do care whether I live or die. Is that going too far, as well?" _

"_The secret's out. I do care."_

She felt something on her hand and looked down to see Zach taking the mug and setting it on the table. "What?" she asked.

He just shook his head. "I asked if you were alright. You seemed to disappear there for a minute."

She ran her fingers through her hair and leaned back against the couch, mimicking his position. "I'm fine. It's just… it's just been one of those days."

"And Lavery was the icing on the cake."

"Man has NO clue how to take a hint." This brought a smile to Zach's face and she loved that she was the one putting it there.

They stopped laughing and just stared at each other. After a moment, Zach cleared his throat. "Well, I just… you look really good Kendall. That pregnant glow still agrees with you after all these months."

"_Can I ask you a question? You got this beautiful glow about you. Now, is that because of me, or because you're carrying Ryan and Greenlee's baby?" _

"_Ok, I'm not sure I'm ready to discuss that." _

"_Was there a problem?" _

"_You keep changing your mind about the surrogacy." _

"_No, I think I made it perfectly clear that I'd back your choices." _

"You did it again?"

She closed and opened her eyes again, looking at him sheepishly. "I know, I'm sorry."

"Where'd you go?"

She sighed. "Well, I guess… it's just… you could say that I've been having these flashbacks, or memories, all day long."

"Good memories?"

"You memories."

"So, not so much good as…"

She smiled and threw a throw pillow at him. "Stop it."

"I'm sorry. Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and stared back at him, resolute in what she wanted to do and say.

TBC…


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

"Kendall, you're doing that staring thing again."

"Can't you just be quiet for one minute? I'm gathering my thoughts."

He sighed and leaned his head against his hand, watching her. In that moment, everything he had ever said to her came rushing back and she was struggling with where to start. The words weren't coherent, but she could hear his voice as plain as day, speaking to her.

"_I'm not sure. It was mostly just the sound of your voice that stuck. No specific words exactly. But if you say it again, maybe I'll remember." _

"_I watched you sleep, listened to you breathing, and I -- I thought about our marriage. I thought about you and how you said you were burned by love, you were done with it, had your fill and didn't want any more. I -- I think you're wrong. I've seen the woman with stars in her eyes."_

"_Shouldn't you put that on the cliché pile with the flowers you didn't bring?" _

"_Uh-uh. That's right there, see? There's a light. It's your spirit. And one day you're going to open those beautiful green eyes, and you're going to crave passion and love." _

"_What if I already crave it?" _

"You remember that day in the hospital?"

"Which time?"

She smiled. "After the fire."

"Ah yes, the flower fiasco. I remember it well. You said… you said you heard me that day."

"_What did you want to ask me?" _

"_Well, at the hospital after the fire, you told me that you loved me." _

"_You heard me?" _

"_Well, at first I thought I did. But then somehow I was sure I didn't." _

"_You were right the first time." _

"_I'm never right the first time. Ask anybody." _

"_You were asleep, and still you heard me. And here we are." _

"I heard you loud and clear that day, Zach, I really did. It was like… like everything in my head was jumbled up and the only thing that came through clearly to me was your voice."

She slid closer to him and he stretched his arm along the back of the couch, almost touching her. She rested her hand on his arm and, just like that, she was on fire. They hadn't touched in so long; she had forgotten what it felt like, how he had this consuming power over her and she…

"I crave it" she whispered.

"What?" he asked, skimming one finger along her shoulder.

"All day, hell, all month, I've been lost in this fog and it wasn't until today, last night, whatever, that the fog started to clear."

"What happened last night?"

"You came home. You haven't been home in days and last night, you came home. I watched you through the window and the memories… they all came rushing back to me. One thing is clear."

"And what's that?"

"It's you, Zach, you. You make things clear, right, how they should be. I was being selfish the day after Ethan… after the ball, demanding that you make things right, that you fix me, when I should have been trying to fix you. Instead, I pushed you away and made hideous mistakes. And I realized, we need to fix this together. Do you… do you think we can? Can we put the pieces back together and try again?"

TBC…


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **Thanks for your patience. And, here we go...

* * *

She couldn't take his silence. He was staring over her head at the wall. She kept trying to make eye contact with him but he kept avoiding her gaze. She moved closer to him, resting her hand on his leg.

"Zach, please…"

He finally looked at her. "Kendall, you got hurt, I got hurt – we hurt each other. Maybe… maybe it's just not right, like there's no way this is meant to be."

"_You know this will never work." _

"_Not a chance in the world." _

She refused to give up, to let him give up this easily – not after all they had been through. "That's a crock of shit and you know it, Zach. I know you do! You… you came into my life out of nowhere like… like it was fate, destined, meant to be!"

He scoffed at her. "Kendall, me coming into your life was purely out of revenge, not some God given miracle!"

"_Still, this -- this is some kind of miracle." _

"_It was an accident." _

"_No, it was fate. It was fate. You -- you went to that roof, because you knew I was there, and you knew -- you knew that I needed you."_

"I need you in my life, Zach. Does it matter how we got here?"

"It should."

"It doesn't. Not to me, anyway."

He just sighed and looked over her shoulder again, back at the wall.

"_You think I ended this marriage, because I don't love you? I do love you. I told you that in your apartment. I told you that on the island. And from where I'm standing right now, it looks like I'm going to love you until the day I die."_

"_You love me." _

"_I do." _

"_Why are -- why are you doing this again? We already did this. This is settled. It's done, Zach. We're divorced." _

"_Well, that shouldn't have happened." _

"_We agreed. Our marriage was business." _

"_Business, yes. But somewhere between finding the licenses for the casino and counting our profits, I saw you. I saw the woman that you really are. And I fell in love with you. I tried to keep that to myself, you know, I had every intention of keeping that to myself, but, of course, I didn't. And -- I don't know. Maybe it was bad timing, maybe it was bad circumstances. Doesn't really matter what, but you didn't believe me. So I walked away, because I thought that's what you wanted, and I made a mistake."_

She swallowed the lump that was starting to form in her throat. "Zach, you once… you once told me that you saw me, saw the woman that I am. You said that you loved me and would always love me."

"I should have kept that to myself" he whispered.

"Why? Why should I have known, why shouldn't I know now what you feel about me?"

"I don't… I don't think I can do this again, Kendall."

"_I -- I can't. Zach, I can't do this."_

He just shook his head, looking at her with a lost fog in his eyes, like he was unsure of the next step – whether it should be toward her or away from her. She needed to do something and she needed to it now!

"_You don't trust me. And that's ok. I see that. I've lied to you. I've lied to a lot of people about a lot of things. But I'm not lying now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to go to sleep with you and wake up with you and face whatever the new day has to bring with you. And I want to laugh and cry, and I want to make love to you. I do, and I don't -- I don't want to change who you are. I love who you are. And I love who you've been. And I love who you're going to be. But, you know, whatever you've decided, it doesn't matter, because I'm going to honor you. And if you don't want me in your life, I -- I will walk away from you, I promise."_

She reached up and grabbed his face with both hands, forcing him to look at her.

"I know you don't trust yourself or me or us right now, I get that. We've hurt each other – it seems to be our track record. But, it's right now, Zach, me and you in the here and now. I want this… I want…" she took a deep breath to keep the tears from falling "…I want to go to sleep with you and wake with you and face whatever the new day has to bring with you. I love who you were, Alexander, and I love who you are, Zach, and I always will. But, if you don't want this, if you don't want me, I'll do my best to let you go, I promise."

She could see the recognition in his eyes – he knew where her words were coming from and she could see how touched he was.

"Zach, Zach please say something, anything or…"

She couldn't finish her sentence because he crushed his lips to hers, drawing her up his body and planting her on his lap, ravaging her mouth with his tongue.

TBC…


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

She was lost in this moment. The rest of the world could have fallen away during this time and she wouldn't have noticed. Every fiber of her being was involved in kissing him, making up for lost time.

She ran her fingers through his hair and moaned as he slipped his hand under her night shirt and made light circles on the small of her back. She was completely consumed with this kiss that she didn't feel him start to pull away from her until his hands were on her face, breaking the kiss.

"Kendall" he said breathlessly. He rested his forehead against hers and took a deep breath. "Kendall, we need to…"

"What?" she asked, running her fingers along his neck and jaw.

"Stop." She froze. That was the last word that she expected him to say, not with the way he had pulled her on to his lap, not with the way he had just been kissing her.

"Zach, what? What is it?"

"Kendall, we can just… jump into something, not after… everything and not with Lavery looming around the corner."

"He's gone" she whispered into his ear, lightly kissing him. He pushed against her shoulders and stilled her.

"For now, but he'll be back – in a few hours, the morning, tomorrow night, whenever. He's not going to stay away because you stood out in the rain tonight, screaming at him to leave. That's not Lavery's style."

"I don't care about Ryan."

"Yeah, and he may not care about you, but you do have something that he seems to care about a lot." Zach rested his hand on her stomach and looked at his hand.

She tensed up. "Zach, you said… you said that you loved me, would love me, with or without baby."

He sighed and looked back up at her. "I did."

"And that, those words, that was the most heroic thing you could have said to me."

"Kendall, please, the last thing I would ever say or do would be something that could be characterized as heroic. I think I've more than proved that."

"_Don't get carried away." _

"_Well, I am carried away, and I love it. You're the only person in my life who didn't freak out or lecture me when the truth came I mean, everyone -- they gave me dirty looks and outrage and whispers. You didn't even ask me why I used my own egg, which makes you one amazing man." _

"_Kendall, stop. Stop." _

"_What is it? What did I do?" _

"_I'm nobody's hero. Not even yours." _

"_Yes, but you love me, so that makes you my hero."_

She just smiled at you. "You love me, right? You said you always would."

He couldn't help himself; he just had to return her smile. "Yes, I do, still."

"Well, then, that makes you my hero." He just laughed and shook his head, running his hands up and down her arms. "Zach, I get carried away when it comes to you – always have, and I love it. It makes me feel free and alive."

"But that doesn't mean that we should jump right to…"

"Bed?" she said, wiggling her eyebrows at him, smiling brightly.

"Kendall, the last thing I want to do is jeopardize… anything."

"So, you don't want me?" she asked seductively, winding her arms slowly around his neck. "I didn't say that" he growled out, flexing his fingers against her hips.

"_Yeah, well, a man has needs. And a man in love has big needs." _

"_Yes. Well, so does a woman, believe me. But when I -- I realized that I could miscarry this child, I knew that I -- that I had to carry to term. I don't know how it happened, but somehow, this baby has taken on a whole new importance." _

"_Well, we'll just have to blow out the candles for a while and imagine what could have been. The things I would do – "_

"_All right, ok, well, that's nice, great." _

"_I guess the point is, we have made love. Dancing, balloons, wishes, and candles. Hey, we're making love right now." _

"_So then no big deal, right? Whew, thank God, because I really -- I didn't want to anyway. Really, I didn't." _

"_Oh, you'll want to. And I know it's going to be worth waiting for." _

"Madden said I was fine a few months ago. No reason I can't…" she swallowed slowly, watching his eyes darken with desire "… resume a normal life." He just stared at her. She would have sworn that he was staring into her soul.

She leaned into him, resting her cheek against his. "I was once told that a man in love has big needs" she whispered. She chuckled as she felt his fingers dig into her hip.

"That is true" he whispered back to her, placing a light kiss behind her ear.

She pulled back and looked at him, kissing him quickly. "I was also once told that it was going to be worth waiting for. Is that still true?"

Without saying a word, Zach scooped her up in his arms, kissing her passionately as he carried her through her living room toward her bedroom.

TBC…


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

* * *

Zach set her down next to the bed, finally removing his lips from hers. He brushed her hair out of her face, letting his fingers linger a little longer on her cheeks. She opened her eyes when she realized he was no longer kissing her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly feeling very, very nervous.

"Just making sure that you are still alright with this, that you still want to…"

"Zach, yes, of course… I mean, unless you don't… I mean, I know I'm as big as a house, not exactly the limber little tigress you imagined me to be, so… I mean, if you aren't interested… or if…"

He placed his fingers over her lips. "You're nervous."

"_You seem nervous." _

"_Me? No, I'm not. I'm not nervous. Um -- so we are -- we are going to sleep together, right? I don't know, I mean, I just assumed that, you know, you walked me home and -- oh, God, wow. Ok, I'm really bad at this. I'm really bad at this. Not that I was ever good, but I – "_

"_I think you're very charming, and I couldn't be happier." _

"_Really? Because I never have any idea how things are going to go with us." _

"_Well, we've always done things backwards. So how about a little post divorce honeymoon?" _

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his chest, closing her eyes. "I just thought that when you and I finally got around to this, I'd be able to slip into some sexy lingerie, not be as big as Shamu." She felt him laugh, so she looked up and glared at him. He pulled her flush to his body, wrapping one arm around her waist while planting the other at the base of her neck.

"Kendall, you could be wearing a sack and I would still find you sexy as hell and want you just as much as I want you right now" he whispered in her ear.

That broke her – she needed him immediately. She pulled his face to hers, assaulting him with her lips. She kissed every place she could reach. They quickly divested each other of clothing and Zach pulled her back onto the bed. She crawled up his body, straddling him. They spent what felt like forever touching and kissing each other. She would have sworn on a bible that she was on fire by the time Zach finally entered her. They moved as one fluid unit, rocking back and forth, holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it.

Kendall felt herself coming apart and she loved every minute of it. "Let me look at you" he whispered in her ear, sending her over the edge. She locked eyes with him, screaming his name over and over as she reached completion. Zach soon followed, moaning her name loudly. She was convinced that a man had never said her name better than he did in that moment.

They held on to each other, breathing heavily, each coming back down from their high. He pulled back and smiled at her, kissing her lightly on her lips.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

"I'll stay as long as you'll have me."

"_All I wanted you to do was to admit what you said to me when I was sleeping."_

"_Mm-hmm. What did I say to you? I love you. That was it. And I'll keep saying it as long as you want to hear it. I love you."_

Zach pulled them back and Kendall soon found herself snuggled under the blankets, Zach's arm wrapped around her, protecting her. She took a deep breath, feeling at peace for the first time in weeks.

TBC…


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **I was really going to end it at the last chapter, but I changed my mind. This is just because I can! One more after this!

* * *

The sun was just starting to rise as Kendall stirred. It took her a moment to remember that she wasn't alone. She smiled as she turned over, seeing him dead to the world asleep, sleeping like he hadn't done it in weeks. 'He probably hasn't' she thought to herself. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and headed to the bathroom

She was coming out of the bathroom when she heard the light knocking on the front door. She quietly closed her bedroom door, laughing quietly as Zach snored. She smiled all the way to the front door, but the smile quickly went away when she opened it.

"I brought breakfast" he said, holding out a large bag.

"Not interested" she sighed, leaning against the door jam, blocking him from striding right into her living room.

"C'mon Kendall. I gave you the night to calm down, not let me in."

"No, Ryan."

Ryan glanced over her shoulder and noticed the closed bedroom door. "You're not alone, are you?"

"That's none of your business."

"_This is none of your business, Ryan. Get out." _

"_You know what? You don't have to tell me what he's doing here, because I know what he's doing here. I mean, he's got you alone here. He's got you cut off from your friends and your family here." _

"_Ryan, Ryan, I don't want you here." _

"_Kendall, he's a fraud. He's a liar. You know what? Come on. Come on." _

"_No, no, no." _

"_No, no. Don't tell me I'm too late." _

"_Why are you even here? Did I call you? No, I don't need you, Ryan. I don't want you here." _

"_How many hours have you been alone with him? I'm just curious. I mean, what BS has he been feeding you?" _

"_Would you please give me some credit?" _

"_I'm trying to help you." _

"_Ok, well, then leave." _

"I knew I shouldn't have left last night, when I saw him hovering…"

"He wasn't hovering, you selfish son of a bitch! And not that its information you need to have, but yes, Zach is here, asleep."

Ryan just shook his head. "Kendall, Kendall, Kendall… why do you insist on trying to make it work with someone who…"

"Who, what Ryan? Believes in me? Thinks I'm beautiful? Wants to take care of me? Doesn't judge me? Trust me, there aren't too many people like that in this town!" she spit out, glaring at him.

"Kendall, why can't you see? Everything sweet thing he said to you last night – he's got ulterior motives. He wants to get back at me for the black out reveal, for making you see who he really is!"

"_When Zach says he cares about a woman, don't think, don't hesitate, just run as fast and as far as you can." _

"_No, I can handle Zach." _

"_I hate to puncture your ego, Kendall, but he's got, like, six motives for everything." _

"_Ok, Zach married me to stick it to Ethan and to get his gaming licenses back. There, Ryan -- eyes wide open. Can you please go now?"_

She glared at him, doing her best to control her temper. "You need to leave right now, Ryan."

"Kendall, do I really have to remind you of everything that he has done?"

"No, Ryan, you've got that pretty well burned into my brain after the last thousand times you gone over the Zach Slater hit list. Care for me to do a run down on your greatest achievements?"

"Kendall, you've got to understand him like I do. He's got you so blinded by flowers and nice words that…"

She shoved him hard out into the courtyard. "Ok, Ryan, listen up and listen good. You aren't my husband. You aren't my fiancée, my boyfriend, or even my friend for that matter. You're a sperm donor for a baby that isn't supposed to be mine. You have no say over my life, who I choose to spend it with and who I fall in love with. Butt out, Ryan, this is none of your concern."

She slammed the door in his face and locked it. She took a couple of deep breaths and headed back toward the bedroom. She slowly opened the door and all her anger melted away as she looked at Zach, lying there, sound asleep in her bed.

TBC…


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1  
**A/N: **Thanks for reading, but I fear, this story has come to an end. I appreciate all the feedback!

* * *

Kendall slipped back into bed, sliding up next to him.

"Did you at least get the food from him before you tossed him out?" Kendall jumped at the sound of his voice. He smiled and opened his eyes as Kendall swatted him across the arm.

"You're awake."

"You're observant."

"You heard us?"

Zach nodded. "I was going to come out there, but it sounded like you had it more than handled." Kendall snuggled up next to his side, throwing her arm across his chest.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"We need to get out of bed."

She shook her head and buried it in the crook of his neck. "No way. I say we blow off the day."

"I don't think we can do that."

She propped her head up on her hand, looking at him. "Ah, but you see, I think we can. First of all, we are the bosses. We can basically do whatever we want. Secondly, I'm sure you've been working yourself to death for weeks. The casino staff would probably enjoy the break from the big mean boss man." Zach laughed, running his fingers along her face, tracing her hair line.

"That is true. Just yesterday, Edie and Gwen were threatening to knock me out and ship me off to some exotic location just to get me out of the building for a few days. That's why I came home."

"See, so it's a good idea. I'll call Simone and tell her I'm not coming in and you call Edie and give her the good news and we'll be bums all day."

"I could definitely get behind that plan." Kendall smiled and leaned in, kissing him passionately. She pulled back when the need for oxygen became overwhelming.

"I've missed you" she whispered to him.

"Me too" he replied, smiling up at her.

"_Hey, Kendall. There's something I got to tell you. This wasn't supposed to happen. When I walk into a room, I always make sure I know where the exits are, you know, I always make sure there's a way out. And there is no way out this time. I have fallen in love with you, Kendall." _

"_It's you. The you before you became who you are."_

Zach pulled her down, kissing her passionately, running his hands up and down her back. Kendall sighed, falling deeper and deeper into the passion that she felt for Zach, knowing that this is where she was supposed to be and where she should have been all this time, with Zach.

THE END


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